Five days of hitting the vape pen and last night, insomnia sunk in. I was nervous about seeing my therapist. We finished up the remainder of the psychological evaluation questions, and I Googled some of the key words afterwards to see what it might be all about. My research on two hours of sleep, feeling crummy for using the vape pen, and general self-loathing have resulted in this conclusion: I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Why would I get so angry about perceived slights to my ostensibly delicate sensibilities?
Whatever. There’s the label. It comes down to me feeling insecure about my self-worth, uncertain about how things will play out with my ego involved. The saddest thing, however, was when I read how Borderline Personality Disorder and NPD have common overlaps with ”[both]..so busy getting their own needs met that they have a little energy left for others.” Cluster B personalities are often a result of a misfit between the child and his or her environment. NPD, I read, often has a correlation with childrearing that was overprotective or neglectful. I definitely experienced both.
I know that having good parents is like winning the lottery. I know I make up the largest subgroup of my millenial generation: Bros and Brittanys; risk-taking, novelty-seeking consumers who don’t feel in control of our lives. So perhaps the reason I’m much like everyone else is because many children do not win the lottery when it comes to caretakers who meet the needs of the offspring just so.
H.M.K. 